Today is the 6th anniversary of my mother’s death from Stage IV melanoma. This bit I wrote just before she passed has never left me:
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And now my sweet mother is close to death. And it is not the beautiful death of the poets, but a slow agonizing death, a death where cancer chokes her, stealing her breath, shrinking her stature, paralyzing her. It is not calm, it is not peaceful, it is not beautiful or glorious or fitting. And there is no rage or ferocity to be had, no fighting the inevitable.
It is simply terrible.
It was simply terrible and it still is. She was in a lot of pain, and the sight of it does not leave me. There is peace to be found as the years pass. There is sadness too.
Today my almost-melanoma diagnosis scares me anew and I hate my skin and I vow again to do whatever I can (which isn’t much sadly) to stay healthy, to ready myself for the terrible fight that could come, and to savor K., my children, and the days as much as I can. Suck the good out of life, find the positives when the days are dark and wretched, and fight, Fight, FIGHT! for yourself and for those who can no longer fight for themselves.
Today is dark. I embrace it as best I can.
So sorry.
I know this is a few weeks late, but I just read this post and wanted to say that I am sorry for your mom’s suffering and for yours, too. I am from Lynchburg and met your mom through Dana. She was always sweet and smiling, quiet but happy, and a very gifted woman with a needle and thread! It was a pleasure knowing her. I can’t believe it has been six years. Praying for you.
Kim
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