I do not know what to do about Z. and Kindergarten and I badly need some outside perspective before I drive myself completely insane about something that might be ok either way.
The elementary school is very clear on their position. Z. is now 5 and will be six in October. She will be enrolled in Kindergarten. They are giving her the standardized tests now to make sure that she still needs an IEP. (ha!) The tests will confirm if she has some type of learning disability. At that point they will let us know what additional accommodations, if any, they will make for her. Since she will be of age for Kindergarten, she will not be allowed in the preschool program for another year. (dude. bummer.)
Although I am not thrilled about their position, I understand it. It seems that the prevailing wisdom in academia these days is to keep the kids with their chronological peers and make accommodations when necessary. They have rules that they follow in order to keep things running smoothly and to be fair to everyone. The rules make sense. And if you think that perhaps Z. will always be as she is now, that she will never come close to “catching up” and that her issues are very long term, then perhaps it makes a lot of sense to stick her in Kindergarten, let her learn what she can learn, and continue that way until she is finished with school.
Thing is, I’ve given this a LOT of thought and right now I have not convinced myself that Kindergarten next year is the right thing for Z. She knows her letters (upper case), can spell her name, and writes a terrible approximation of her name on occasion. Her motor planning skills are poor (area of greatest weakness) which affects her ability to write. Her fine motor skills are still weak (but improving), her ability to reason and think things through seems very off to me, and she is frequently overwhelmed in her preschool class of 12 (whereas Kindergarten will be 20 children at least). When she gets overwhelmed she shuts down, sucking her tongue or rocking or staring vacantly. In my opinion (and I have no background in education or special needs therapy or anything of the sort) she is not ready emotionally, socially, academically, or developmentally. The only way it seems to me she is ready is chronologically. I worry that a whole year of shutting down because she a) doesn’t understand what is being taught, b) is overwhelmed by the noise or confusion, or c) is completely frustrated with the work being given to her will be counterproductive. I will say that being around her peers has been good for her in preschool and she will try things and do things because she sees the other kids doing them.
So. If you have had to make a similar decision or if you are an education professional or if you have some kind of advice for me, puh-leez leave a comment. Perhaps I need a different perspective, perhaps there is a way of thinking about this that I am not thinking, maybe you see something I can’t see, perhaps there is information I still need to make a good decision for her. I am vaguely open to homeschooling, but I will tell you straight out that I do not understand Z., I do not have the knowledge or skills to help her, and I worry that I will just make things worse for her.
Help. Me.
Seriously.
That’s a tough one. Our state requires every 6 year old to be in school. Period. I would get her IEP as soon as possible. At least here, there are multitudes of OT and PT who work with kids who have special needs. A friend of mine’s son was held back a year (started K at 6, not 5) and he is in a class with 10 kids. They all have aides and they all have special needs. He THRIVES in this place. It is a public school and they work off of his IEP to work with him.
Another friend has a severely autistic son. He doesn’t really talk and he is 8. I am not sure if he can write or not. I have only been able to smile and talk to him. He sort of acknowledges me.
He goes to a school for kids with strong development disorders. Is he going to be calculating pi to the 100th position? No, but he is learning and he is developing.
The truth is, she is NOT the first kid like this that the school has ever seen. The person who does the evaluation will help. She/he can make suggestions and perhaps even steer you towards private schools that are geared just for kids like Z.
It sounds like Z. is not ready for a mainstream classroom. That would be hell. But this doesn’t mean she isn’t ready for kindergarten. She will need to right setting for her to blossom. Will she ever “catch up”? Nobody can say, but I can say that somewhere, someone in your area has dealt with a child like your daughter and they will help guide you to the right decision for her.
And to be honest? Homeschooling is probably not a good option for Z. if you don’t have the skills to teach to her needs. She’s going to need you to be there for her after school when she needs to get all of her frustrations out.
I hope this helps and I hope I am not freaking you out. From one friend with an Aspie kid, I have met a whole new world of parents trying to do the best thing for their kid, even if it means moving to new schools to find the right person to help them.
Good luck…
Is there a Montessori program where you live? It’s so much more child centered and allows kids to move at their own pace. Often they are multi-aged so that kids can be with pre-K and Kinder aged kids. This might be a great option for Z. We have several choices in our public system for Montessori, so I imagine it’s accessible elsewhere?
Such hard decisions!! Good luck!
Let me tell you about my daughter’s Kindergarten classroom. She has physical limitations, and the school was awesome about that, but she also has a classmate with pretty severe autism. He’s mostly nonverbal. When he is in the main group of kids, there is an aide or a special ed teacher in the classroom with him. Usually he’s sitting in her lap, wearing his earmuffs. Sometimes she sits with him towards the back, holding another book or something that will hold his interest while the other kids do whatever it is they are doing. He gets pulled out for his one-on-one assistance for a good chunk of the day, but he is very much considered to be a part of the class. He has friends who sit with him and play with him. So many kids get pulled out for various therapies now it doesn’t usually have the stigma it used to have. Anyway, he is with the class for things like circle time and field trips. I have watched him truly blossom in that class, and my daughter is happy to say Elliot is her friend.
The point of the IEP is for you and the educators to come up with a good plan for your child. I was strongly encouraged to talk about how I thought things should be for my daughter – what my fears were, what her strengths were – and when I realized that they were solving issues I hadn’t even begun to think about, I felt so much better about her attending her school. Let them evaluate Z., and get the IEP meeting set up as soon as you can. I don’t know what your school is like, but you’d be amazed at how well many of them can handle a child like her.
i think kindergarten is the only option for z. there will be people who can help her, have worked with kids like her before and can figure out what her best learning plans should be.
I would say don’t home school because I don’t think it would be good for either of you.
My big thing about schools is the class size, I think small classes are much more important than almost anything. I would think that for Z the class size is even more significant than for the average child. Soooo my question would be what alternatives, if any, do you have to her current school? Anything private that is affordable and has small classess?
If private isn’t a viable option then I think I’d still give kindergarten a good try over home schooling. Kind of one step at a time, give it a term and then reassess how it is working for her.
I encourage you to think about Z’s needs – social, emotional, motor, academic – through the developmental lens. If she can’t do another year with the preschool, consider doing a 2-year kindergarten experience. Chronological age does not trump developmental needs. This approach may alleviate some of the stress thinking that milestones need to be met over 9-months.
Be very proactive with the IEP. Be prepared to advocate for your child and expect the school to do the same. Show up to the IEP with a photo of Z and put it in the center of the table. SHE is why you are there. Consider what you know she needs and you co-author the accommodations Z should get.
Does Z go to all-day preschool now? Is the kinder program all day? A half-day program might be an option (if not offered, should be feasible through the IEP.)
I want to say that school should not be meaningless for any child. Pushing her into kinder isn’t the right thing if there’s not adequate support for her success – OT, PT, perhaps an SLP. Inclusion – where much of the services can happen in the general education setting – can be wonderful if there’s a true realization of the intent, process, and practice of inclusion.
Finally, I can understand skepticism in the process, but my experiences with IEPs have been overwhelmingly encouraging, hopeful and right by the child. Yes, let the school experts help inform your decisions and help inform the school folks about your wondrous girl (who they will love and adore and want to eat up! Lucky teachers!)
It’s all pretty scary, I know. You’re very brave, Amy.
A, I want to think more about everything you’ve written (both as a mom and educator). I’ll email you tomorrow. xo
I think that if you feel she isn’t ready, she isn’t ready. Kindergarten is quite demanding now. The idea of repeating kindergarten is a good one, and I wish we’d had the foresight to do that with our youngest, but I also believe the school system would have resisted it. They really, really want to keep moving kids along whether they are doing well or not.
We tried working with the school, and they really did try to help within their restrictions, but we wound up moving her to a private Montessori. It’s great — small class sizes, kids learn at their own pace, and they are in multi-age classrooms so age doesn’t matter. I wish we’d done this years ago.
I think a full-time aide would be essential for Z in a standard classroom. But the school may need to watch her for a while to be convinced of that.
What do Z’s current teachers have to say? I would look to them for guidance–press them to think of an ideal educational experience for Z for the coming year and then work to create that environment.
I would ask that Z’s lead teacher or the teacher she works closest with be part of the IEP team for next year’s plan. When I worked in Early Intervention I made sure to join the team (if asked by the family) even after the state stopped paying for the service because they didn’t deem it necessary. The input of Z’s current therapists and teachers is vital to developing the right IEP.
Amy-I have followed your blog for awhile. I really appreciate your honesty and the way you write. I admire the way you deal with Z. I keep wondering if you know about Neurological Reorganization and whether you’ve considered it for Z. I know you’re struggling with another decision at the moment but I keep thinking about NR whenever I read your blog. It’s a therapy that has really helped my daughter. Anyway, if you are interested in finding out more about it, there’s tons of good information at the NEUROnetwork yahoo group. anyway, good luck with the kindergarten decision. My daughter Sally is now 7 and in 1st grade. It hasn’t been an easy road for her, but she continually amazes me. I’m guilty of sometimes underestimating her. Her teachers don’t have that problem. They see things I don’t and overlook things that I see as huge issues. I think it’s good for Sally to get a number of different perspectives.
It sounds like you need to find an educational advocate for Z. that is understanding and will provide a one-on-one aide(s?) that will learn from Z. and will be able to balance when socialization is appropriate and when to go to one-on-one specific learning.
My daughters preschool was part of the school she was going into. They insisted she stay in preschool another year.
They thought as she is so very social it would be a blow that she could not keep up and kindergarden is so intense.
She loved preschool, and she loved kindergarden too but they really push hard in kindy. They expect them to learn a lot. I know I could not have gotten through kindy when I was 5.
We use tutors every summer to help her keep up. If you call a local college that has teaching degrees they usually have a list of grad students willing to tutor.
She struggles but she gets by. She is very social and gets lonely being home alone. My little one is very strong willed I have no fears that what ever she puts her mind to she will make happen even if it is harder for her to do. I send her to a nice school and though I would be thrilled if she did well, academics don’t matter all that much to me.
I’m a preschool special educator, and I wish I knew what the laws were in your state. In Michigan, Z would have gone to our ECDD program, or Early Childhood Developmentally Delayed, for preschool. When she reached kindergarten age, she would have stayed in the program, but gone to our full day classroom instead of half-day. Is there any sort of option like that there?
I agree with most of these commenters. Let the testing continue and come to the IEPC with your concerns. YOU are as much of an equal team member at the meeting as the “experts,” and are not required to commit to anything until you are comfortable.
I’ve been following since Z joined your family. She’s a beautiful girl whose made so much progress with you. You’ll get through this hurdle, too.
Feel free to email me if you have any questions.
OK, here are some thoughts… The educational program is based on her performance and her needs- the results of assessments and everyone’s impressions. Try to get those reports ahead of the meeting (some states require this, others may resist) so you are as prepared as possible. Talk to her preschool teacher- get information on how she functions in class and whether the teacher has an idea where she thinks Z will fit best for next year (she knows, but see if she will feel free to tell you!). You also should consider seeing a developmental pediatrician or neurodevelopmental psychologist if you havent already to see if you can get at least a working diagnosis for Z. A diagnosis and an unbiased report will help with guiding placement and therapy decisions. For instance, if she is on the autistic spectrum rather than has a more general “global developmental delay”, you often have more pull with the district to get a teacher with specialized expertise and a high quality program. If they dont have the resources that she requires to make “adequate educational progress”, then you have the argument that she must get a funded private school placement to properly meet needs related to her disability.
Finally, there are options in classroom settings. If she is easily overwhelmed in a large group then tossing her into a typical mainstream class isnt recommended. period. So what else is there? Districts may offer smaller integrated classes (with a mix of typical and SN kids- it’s a good model IMO) and self-contained classes specifically designed for kids with special needs (some are good, some awful- make sure there are inclusion opportunities). Im not sure how your state works but we have collaborative (multiple towns) programs for children with complex needs that are often quite good. And there are special needs private schools- a district may pay tuition in some circumstances. There is also an option of assigning an aide to shadow and support Z in a classroom setting. A good aide can be incredibly helpful. Do not sign anything at the IEP meeting. Insist that you visit any recommended program- you will have a sense of whether Z could fit into the class.
I think that holding Z back for preschool might make for a more comfortable year next year, but it wont necessarily make a difference in transitioning her to kindergarten the following year. In general, holding a child back does not seem to change anything in the long term. It’s more important to implement an appropriate plan that offers the best setting, staff, supports and accommodations she needs to be happy and learning in school- at her pace.
Feel free to also use me as a resource, Amy- this is what I do every day.
A couple of thoughts: First,I’d like to echo what Carrie said above. The function of an IEP is to develop a very specific plan to address the needs of each child. When it works as it’s meant to, the team meets each child where they are and develops very specific goals for her to make progress at their own rate. This doesn’t always work completely smoothly in practice, but with dedicated parents and education team, I’ve witnessed some pretty amazing things from kids with some very complex needs. Moving onto kindergarten may mean a variety of things, depending on Z’s needs.
At the same time, I don’t think there is any harm in gathering as much information and advice as possible to inform your decisions. I would recommend a neuropsychological evaluation to help you on that front (full disclosure, I’m a neuropsychologist). We perform assessments to evaluate cognitive, behavioral and emotional skills and help to develop recommendations for intervention and education that take advantage of an individual’s strengths while supporting and accommodation areas of weakness.
Sorry, this wound up being way wordier than I’d intended. I’d be happy to point you to some additional resources if you’re interested.
My son is starting JK next year (4 year old program), and I am also worried about him. We just had him assessed and he scored less than 5% in gross motor, fine motor, attention, peer interaction, and self-help skills. He has sensory issues, a speech disorder, and I’m sure some sort of learning disorder. The assessor went as far as to say she wanted him assessed for autism, but I don’t know…
Anyway, we discussed sending him to a Montessori school. In my area, the Montessori school goes up to grade 6 and work well with kids with special needs. If he is feeling overwhelmed, he can just walk away to a quiet area and have some alone time, no questions asked. I can’t see a regular kindergarten class doing that.
Our S is in the 7th grade so we are old pros at this. When we first started the assessment/Early Intervention/IEP process I fully expected the school district to tell us that our clearly neuro-atypical kid was fine, no services needed, thanks for stopping by. I mean, people in education don’t actually care, right? Their goal is just to shuffle the kids on through, isn’t it?
Obviously I was extremely cynical about the process but I was wrong, wrong, wrong. The educators really do want Z and S to thrive, not jut survive. S had to go to a special day class at the other end of the county for a year, which would have been a logistical nightmare except for the short bus that showed up at our doorstep every morning at 7. Funding has never seemed to be a problem even in this horrible economy. He’s had therapy for problems we didn’t even realize he had. They encouraged his strengths and accommodated his weaknesses. The progress he’s made over he years has been incredible. Our goal back when he was 3 was that he would someday “blend”, that he wouldn’t stick out as the weirdo in the classroom. People who meet him now would never guess that he was the terrified, speechless child hiding under the chair in the waiting room at that first evaluation.
I don’t want to babble on too long but I just wanted to say that it’s a lot easier and less intimidating than you might think. Advocate for Z and keep your mind open because you just never know. Good luck!
I really feel for what you’re going through. It’s so hard to know what to do, and when you have outside pressure that presumes to know what’s best for your child, it makes you question yourself even more. We went through this with our son, whom we adopted at age 23 months. His birthday is in August, so he would’ve been a young 5YO had we started Kindergarten the year he was technically supposed to start. He was NOT ready, socially, academically, or emotionally. He still needed a nap every afternoon. He could not sit in a circle calmly with other kids. He had tantrums and could not bring himself under control without a LOT of help. He had sensory issues that made it hard for him to settle down. He could identify upper case letters only, and not even all of them. He could only write his name. He could not sit still long enough to color. We had him in a private preschool program, and they encouraged us to hold him back from Kindergarten, to give him more time to develop. Because of his early childhood experience, he was emotionally at least a year behind, if not more. We left him in preschool, and his preschool teacher worked with him on some of the academic tasks they were doing in Kindergarten (although now that my developmentally typical daughter is in Kindergarten, I realize how desperately far behind he still was, even after that additional year of preschool). Following that year of preschool, we had to evaluate again. He had matured socially, and we could see that he would really benefit from being placed with his original class, who were moving up to first grade. He was ready for the more academic tasks, and ready to focus on school work. He was still behind, but leaving him with the younger kids would hold him back socially, and he was frustrated with some of their “babyish” behavior. So we skipped Kindergarten altogether, and moved him up to first grade. He’s stayed with that age group for the past 4 years, advancing to the next grade each year. He is behind in some areas; ahead in others, so we feel like we made the right decision, even though it was an unconventional approach. The key ingredient was a school who really KNEW him, and supported what he needed, rather than trying to fit him in a one-size-fits-all box mandated by state law. We kept him in that private school, and next year, we are moving him to public school. We had to evaluate again what to do with him — let him repeat his current grade, or move him forward. Because he struggles with transitions, because he’s never been subjected to standardized testing, and because it’ll be a totally new environment, we are holding him back and having him repeat 4th grade in his new public school. He reads at a third grade level, and his math skills are at a fourth grade level. His soccer team buddies who go to the public school are all in third grade this year, so he will be in their class next year with them.
I think it’s really important to go with your gut, and not to be bullied by your school into doing something that doesn’t feel right for your child. If a little more time would help Z (even if it MIGHT), it might be worth holding her back. I would not recommend home schooling — I know what you mean about not getting her and not being able to meet her needs; this is why I cannot help my son with homework — it leads to frustration and exhaustion for both of us. If you can swing private preschool for a year, it might be worth pulling her out of her current environment, just to give her some extra time to develop and get ready for Kindergarten. If you cannot afford a private preschool, I would contact your local center for disability law, and have them advise you on how to advocate for her so she can get an extra year of preschool, and not be forced to move up to Kindergarten at this point.
My daughter is in 3rd grade and there is a boy in her class who can only speak a very limited number of words. He has an aide full time who works with him. I know he’s also allowed to leave the room if he feels overwhelmed. His aide seems really wonderful and I’ve been impressed with how the whole class has welcomed him and accepts his needs and limitations.
I think you definitely need to express your concerns to the school and tell them what you think would be ideal for your daughter. Hopefully they can work to make it a great experience for her.
We were in the exact same situation a year ago with our daughter; the school system insisted that she start kindergarten in the fall and refused to let her repeat preschool even though we knew she was nowhere near ready for kindergarten, academically or socially. Fortunately we got her qualified for special education services (they labeled her as significangly developementally delayed, or SDD) and therefore she qualified for services over the summer through the special education program. Amazingly enough, that gave her the boost she needed to start kindergarten in the fall and she has done surprisingly well. I would have your daughter tested for services if you haven’t already so that she can get the extra help she needs. I don’t anticipate my daughter needing services forever but right now it is what is best for her and having that extra support has made all the difference
Angela
http://www.myadoptionwebsite.com/maili
1.) Get the annual IEP done asap.
2.) Find & hire a parent advocate to help you help find the resources Z needs in your district. You do not have to do this alone. Research the options for kinder such as a special day class, a 1:1 aide (ie shadow) with pull out theraputic services. Think about the possibility of repeating K instead of another year in preschool. She can qualify even with a OHI label and other serviecs can come from that.
3.) Do not homeschool, at least not right now.
4.) Do not look into a private school setting unless it is an NPA vendored through your school district; otherwise, most districts will no honor her IEP (and in most cases they do not have to).
I’d wait and see what the evaluation shows. By what you have said, I’m guessing Z will be put in the category of learning disabled or significantly learning disabled.
You need to know that with her IEP the accomodations for her can range from “needs a fat pencil to write” to “needs own aide when in regular classroom”.
By the sounds of it- I’d say that Z will spend time in the special ed classroom doing the work she is capable of while spending time in her regular classroom as more of a social aspect.
If you think it would help- see if an individual aide is possible for her (budget concerns usually run this one).
I also agree with Mimi that you see if you can find an advocate in your area to help you out. If your school district can’t provide help- then another district may work better.
Good luck.
PS- it may be better if she repeat kinder rather than preschool just due to the differences in the classes.
Well, you don’t know me from Adam or Eve, but I feel inexplicably drawn to your writing for a number of silly reasons.
I was wondering if you would care to comment on the latest series of articles in the NYT which delve, or merely scratch the surface, into “problematic” adoptions.
Cheers,
t.